Unfortunately, male nurses entering the field have to deal with the press’ portrayal of them – that all male nurses want is a “free show.” But, really, ask any nurse, and the male/female issue is mostly fabricated by the media – and not rooted in reality.

As male nurses, we can change this misconception by showing a true love for what we do.

I want to see a better push towards equality in health care. We should not be treated as “nurse maids” to doctors. Many nurses see their work as changing a life or giving a hand to those who need help.

For the ten minutes the doctor spends, it takes me 25 minutes to care for the same patient – and that’s only if I am not asked to stop and take orders from a doctor on the phone. And even then, the doctors sometimes hang up on you. I say to myself, “Go ahead, hang up so you can finish your dinner, or your golf game, while I am caring for this patient right now.”

Male nurses, like female nurses, also have to face the instability of the nursing profession. If we do not stop all other parts of health care from dictating our course, we will again never see a true profession with a true voice.

Plain old meanness seems to pervade nursing, and you wonder, Is there anything I can really do about it?

Letting this behavior go on will progressively change nursing for the worse. We’re in a nursing shortage, and if we don’t address this issue, we’re in trouble. Nurses are leaving already. But it doesn’t have to be that way. With effort, the ideal workplace–where everyone gets along and supports each other–is attainable. Here’s how to make it a reality:

Speak Your Truth
When you hear that someone is talking about you behind your back, or someone says something hurtful to you in public, don’t just walk away. Do something about it. But have patience. Ask to speak to them in private and tell them what you heard. Explain that if they have something to say to you, they should just say it. Then the two of you can work it out. Most bad feelings are left unaddressed in the workplace. So take a stand, speak your truth, and fix the problem.

Never Be a Silent Witness
Nurses who are unprofessional talk about people behind their backs or gossip. And while that’s not acceptable, remaining a silent witness isn’t much better. Never stand by saying nothing. Don’t be the ears that listen while one nurse is slamming another nurse or bringing someone else down. Never. Take a personal vow of integrity. Say, “Professionals do not do that.” Or tell the complaining person to go talk to the person directly involved, not you. At the very least, walk away.

Don’t Ignore Non-Verbal Language
It’s pretty typical for a nurse to be passive aggressive, especially since the average age of a nurse is 47 or higher. Remember, the Boomer generation isn’t as open as Generations X and Y. If you ask a nurse how she’s doing and she says, “Fine,” but her vocal inflections or body language say otherwise, ask her what’s really going on. Take the time to show that asking “How are you?” isn’t just a standard greeting—and that you really do care

Compliments Go a Long Way
Few nurses actually take the time to give positive feedback to their nursing coworkers, even though it’s a critical component of creating cohesion on your unit. Complimenting someone isn’t just a warm fuzzy. You can’t compliment someone for something specific unless you actually pay attention to what they did. We need to celebrate our differences, and affirm each other’s strengths. Sure, we have the same educational backgrounds and training, but it’s the particular things we do on the floor that we have to notice: “Wow, you can get a Foley into anyone!” Or, “Gosh, you really deescalated that patient. You’re really good at that.”

Take Time to Listen
Nurses are labeled as “snobs” or “self aggrandizing” if they talk about their own successes at work. That’s why it’s important to encourage other nurses–especially new nurses–by saying, “I want to hear about your work and your day.” By giving nurses permission to talk about their successes, they become confident in their own strengths—and less concerned about others’ perceptions of them. It also helps nurses to find value in each nurse’s contribution to the unit.

Appreciate the Art of Nursing
The profession isn’t just a science. It really is an art. A nurse becomes more than a skillful practitioner when he or she enters a perfect stranger’s room, who is probably in an extremely vulnerable place, and makes that patient feel at ease within five seconds. That’s talent. It’s the art of connecting with another human being. And it’s incredibly important to remember that you are the artist. When you recognize you and your co-nurse aren’t just “handmaidens”—but professionals integrally involved in helping your patients become healthy—you will see the benefit of putting aside the behaviors that undermine your professionalism.

You’re not the only one who thinks so. Jerry R. Lucas, RN and owner and publisher of Male Nursing Magazine, believes that it is the responsibility of nurses to make their future better than their past. Lucas is passionately devoted to enticing men and women to the nursing profession. And that’s the key word: “profession.” In this interview, Lucas discusses the mistreatment of nurses, arguing that they are skilled professionals, not nurse maids.

RealityRN: Do doctors treat male nurses differently than female nurses?
Jerry R. Lucas: Doctors are less likely to disrespect male nurses. I’ve heard doctors on the phone with the female nurses and a few are downright rude. It seems they feel like they can get away with that with the females, but they won’t do that with us, the male nurses, because we won’t take it. We’ll tell them to call back when they settle down, and then we hang up.

Why does this dynamic exist?
The nursing industry is seen as a predominately female environment. Male nurses are still running at about a 6 to 7 percent total. That is, of the 2,564,000 registered nurses in the United States, about 780,000 are men. The medical industry still views nurses as nothing more than nurse maids, bent on obeying the doctor’s will.

Do some nurses consider themselves nurse maids?
Yes, and I have an example. I received a letter from a female RN telling me about a hospital she used to work in. The nurse manager put a sign up dictating that whenever the doctor is present, the nurses are to get up and offer them a seat, get them whatever they need, including the file from the file cabinet right beside the doctor’s arm, and make sure they have a cup of coffee. It wasn’t long after the RN tore down the sign that she was gone from that area.

Do you think this view of nursing can be changed, realistically?
Absolutely. The nurse-maid view of nursing is part of what’s turning people away from the profession, especially men. Who wants to go through all the training to be considered a maid?

We are professionals educated to care for patients. And it’s not easy. After a doctor writes his or her five minutes worth of orders, after he or she spends that whole ten minutes at the bedside, nurses are busy for the next hour making sure that the care is accomplished.

Any solutions to the problem?
As there is more of a balance between males and females within nursing, the stigmatism of the nurse maid may increasingly disappear. Women and men alike will be able to gain more respect, and the effect could be a balanced and raised pay scale.

I also believe that nurses need to stop their mistreatment by standing up to the few doctors who bully them. This goes for both male and female nurses, but I’ve definitely seen that doctors are more polite to the male nurses because they won’t just sit there if they are being treated poorly. Women shouldn’t either. They are trained the same way I am. They do the same things that I do. They should be respected the same way, too.

When physical and verbal abuse takes place in the workplace, immediate action should be taken. But in some health care workplaces—where everyone should feel safe—it’s often not confronted. In this exclusive RealityRN interview, Suzanne Gordon, author of Nursing Against the Odds, says the status quo is not acceptable. Nurses should take practical steps to deal with abuse from doctors and other nurses.

RealityRN:  What advice would you give nurses who are physically abused at work?

Suzanne Gordon: If you’re ever hit or kicked by the doctor, go to the police! That’s an assault. I’ve heard stories involving thrown bloody sponges—those are also forms of assault. With AIDS and other diseases, this is not a joke. It’s illegal. Take it to HR, and if they say, “Boys will be boys” or “Do you want to wreck his career? It was only a little thing,” you tell them you’re going to the police.

But what about the repercussions?

If you’re worried about creating animosity, think about the fact that this person is going to hit somebody else or hit you again. He or she should not be dealing with patients. He or she doesn’t have the professional self-discipline to deal with the stress of patient care work, and should not be in the profession.

Companies would never tolerate this kind of behavior. If a captain of an airplane hit a flight attendant or talked abusively to him or her, the pilot would be fired.

So how are nurses complicit with physical and verbal abuse?

Nurses allow it to happen by acquiescing and not confronting it.

What about verbal abuse?

You can’t take verbal abuse to the police, but it requires the same type of action. Go to HR. The abuser should be made to take anger management classes and given a chance to reform. If it’s not possible, then he or she should be removed from a professional setting.

Nurses can also be abusive—to doctors and to each other. The new nurse should be prepared to deal with this as well. Older more experienced nurses shouldn’t expect people to know things they haven’t learned yet, and then get down on them for not knowing. The new nurse has to be comfortable saying, “I need your help. If I don’t get your help, I’m going to make a major mistake.”

Any advice for administration’s typical response?

You should be prepared for people to dismiss your charges. Someone may ask, “Do you want to ruin his career over this?” You should reply, “I don’t want to ruin his career—but I will not let this person ruin mine.”

Institutions do not like to deal with their problems; people who work within them need to force the issue. Expect resistance, but follow through. Create models and support each other. Nurse managers should support their nurses—strategize with them, help them deal with the doctor, and teach new kinds of behavior.