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March 26th, 2008 at 9:47 pm
My patient was a 80 year old male confused patient. He was in with altered mental status. He told me that he had urinate. So I quickly went to get the urinal because he said he really had to go. I gave him the urinal and he put his G-Tube (feeding tube) in the urinal and started peeing. I kept telling him that he needed to move the urinal down to the right spot and he insisted that he was doing it correct. He had pee running down his legs and pants. By the time he was done there was a puddle of urine on the floor and all over himself
March 30th, 2008 at 9:33 pm
I had a patient in for Change in Mental Status, of course since they are usually quite humorous. I was on his Left and reached over to his right arm, I forget why. He then said “I’ll bite your tittie” and made biting sounds. He was an adorable old man so I just laughed it off.
March 30th, 2008 at 10:20 pm
I was working the night shift and I had this sweet little old man. He wasn’t used to being away from his wife, and needed quite a bit of reassurance. After bringing him multiple items, I responded to his call light, only to find his face covered in a thick pink cream. He had mistaken his butt paste for facial lotion. As we all know, that stuff is really thick and it took some time and a lot of wash clothes to get it all off.
March 30th, 2008 at 11:34 pm
Well it was our first semester of nursing school and two of my fellow students were at the V.A. Hospital. They were transfering an older gentleman to a portable shower chair made with PVC pipe and a toilet seat. Before they could even left the room the girls caught a whiff of something awful. They looked down to discover a mess! The one girl says, “Oh my gosh there is poop all over my shoes!” all the while gaging every other word. The other keeps saying, “Stop (gag) doing that (gag)!!”. They kept gagging back and forth with their “newbie” nursing stomaches till they got it all cleaned up.
March 31st, 2008 at 9:38 am
Our floor had a difficult patient that eventually decided to leave AMA because we were not giving her the drugs she had hoped she might get. Three weeks later, her brother shows up on our floor, goes to our patient fridge, and begins to empty everything into a plastic bag. We told him the food was for patients on our floor only and to please stop. After he left, we checked the computer and found his sister was not in it as a current patient. He just came in off the street and stole from us! After we were done being angry about it, we got a good laugh!
March 31st, 2008 at 9:55 am
So cute: the other day I had a patient that asked me if her family could stay and watch me change her toe amputation site dressing. Among her family was a little boy probably 4-5 years old. Upon seeing the large opening where her 2nd and 3rd toes used to be, he asked “are they going to grow back?” We all started cracking up, such an innocent question, so adorable!
March 31st, 2008 at 10:02 am
This was during my last semester of my Associate’s degree program. There’s that one person in every class that just has to parade their knowledge in front of the professor, John was our class’s. So our professor is lecturing on GI disorders and asks, “What is the name for black, tarry stools?
John replies “Melena.”
Professor, “What is the name for greasy, frothy yellow stools?”
John, again correct, replies, “Steatorrhea.”
At which point one of the girls in class, Laurel, replies “Wow John you really know your shit!”
We all burst out laughing our professor included.
March 31st, 2008 at 10:19 am
During my senior clinical in the ER, I had to insert a foley into an 80+ year old man with an uncircumcised penis. I started to become nervous for some reason (I don’t know why because I have done it once already on an uncircumcised patient). I was trying to do the whole “one hand becomes non-sterile and the other stays sterile” bit but my being a righty couldn’t get the foreskin down with my left hand. For a few seconds there, it looked like I was doing something naughty and as my preceptor walks in, the patient goes “It’s better to use both hands!” I looked at my preceptor and we both tried REALLY hard not to burst out laughing.
March 31st, 2008 at 10:48 am
Working in a nursing home for years I thought I had seen everything until one day I had a family member franticly trying to find her mothers dentures. This wasn’t abnormal, and after about an hour of searching we couldn’t find her dentures. That night the CNA brought a plate back to the kitchen asking for a regular diet instead of pure’ because the lady had just gotten dentures. Turns out that the lady missing her denture’s roommate stole the dentures and now had a beautiful set of teeth!
March 31st, 2008 at 10:52 pm
Working in the emergency department one night we had an elderly lady come in from a local nursing home with stroke like symptoms. She had a decrease in LOC. During the exam we noticed that she had two fentanyl patches on with two different dates on them. So we removed them and told the physician. He told us to give Naloxone 2 mg IVP. As we went into the room to administer the naloxone we saw the local priest doing the last rites or anointing of the sick or something. The nurse I was working with whispers to me “Watch this” and discretely pushes the naloxone pretty quick. Just as the priest is doing the sign of the cross, the lady opens her eyes and takes a huge breath in and started to flail her arms around while speaking a bunch of words that don’t make sense. The priest almost passed out! We had to leave the room it was so funny. Afterwards he was convinced that we had experienced some divine intervention.
April 1st, 2008 at 2:53 am
I am currently a nursing student and working as a CNA as I go through nursing school. I work in an assisted living facility. One day I was getting an older resident out of bed and trying to talk her into a shower because she had to be ready to go to church with her son. After some begging she said she was going to get up, and the shower was located down the hall from her room so I told her that I was going to the shower room and get it ready and for her to meet me in there. After about 10 min of waiting I figured I better go check to see if she was coming, and sure enough she was halfway down the hallway stark naked!! I was shocked and ran to get a towel to cover her up but she just refused and said “Honey, I’m gassy and it is best I air out before the shower.” I couldn’t help but laugh and continue to try to cover her as we made it to the shower room.
April 1st, 2008 at 3:03 am
For as long as I can remember, Mr Wright was our friendly Egyptian Surgical registrar, always polite, always has a chat. Well he finally became a consultant and walks into work (ER) with a brand new very expensive looking suit and the shiniest shoes in the world.
Never expecting to actually do any work, he ends up having to do a bedside sigmoidoscopy. The tube went in, he peered inside closely, nothing too see. Then all of a sudden a surge of poo comes pouring out the tube, onto his trouser leg and onto his shiny shoes
April 1st, 2008 at 8:18 pm
I had a patient that was going for surgery. He was 18. He was NPO for surgery so I asked him if he knew what that meant. He said “Sure do.. Now Pissed Off!” I thought that was pretty clever and I’ve used that time and time again!
April 2nd, 2008 at 7:30 am
I work on a cardiac floor, where the majority of the patients are on cardiac monitors. Occassionally we have off-service patients, and consequently off-service doctors. I was caring for a trauma patient with an abdominal bleed, that was requiring numerous dressing changes. I notified the off-service physicians, and asked that they come and evaluate the patient and the wound. The resident and a med-student come to see the patient.
Not long after the two walk into the patients room the med-student approaches me with a roll of paper tape used to print rhythm strips. He asks me a simple question. “Is this pressure tape?” The man was holding a roll of paper!! Trying to hold back my laughter I kindly told the inexperienced med-student that I would get the roll of tape for him. I couldn’t bare to let the poor man know his huge blunder!
April 2nd, 2008 at 12:57 pm
As a young nursing student I had a clinical in the nursing home. One day my confused and forgetful client wanted a shower…I grabbed another student and we set about completing the task. We sat her in a PVC pipe chair with the hole in the middle and proceeded to soap her up. This shower had a detachable nozzle so as to get to those hard to reach areas. When I went to wash off her bottom I had to bend down to see the area as she had some “crusties”. With her frail skin I had to be really careful so I set the sprayer on her but and tried to gently remove the debris. I was so focused on my task I didn’t realize or hear my patient as she ooohed and aaahed, exclaiming, “oh my that feels soooooo good”. Until the other student hit me and said, “What are you doing? Cause it sounds like your getting her off!” I looked up and realized the water was spraying on more than just her dirty behind. I stopped immediately and proceeded to get her out of there fast! I was mortified but what made it hilarious was the patient said, “Why did you stop? That felt soooo good!”. Needless to say no one forgot that one!
April 2nd, 2008 at 1:32 pm
I have been working at a Nursing Home for over a year as a Nursing Assistant waiting to get into Nursing school. One night I was getting ready to give a resident a bath. She is a mechanical lift transfer and so I was using a bath sling which has a big hole in the center to clean the butt. We raised her up about 3 feet in the air and were about to place her in the shower chair when she said she needed to “do a job” aka poop. I asked her to hold it and I would put her on the bed pan. She said ok but the next thing I knew I heard something splat on the floor. It was the size and shape of a pop can if not bigger. and it stayed that shape when it hit the floor. I had to laugh I could not help myself. The resident also laughed because it was soooo funny. She shit from 3 feet in the air through a hole in a sling onto her floor. I will never forget that night.
April 2nd, 2008 at 10:40 pm
I was pulled to a palliative care unit one night and my patient was a 92 year old male coming to the end of his life. He went for the call bell and when I answered blurted out, “Excuse my French mam but could you come powder my balls!?! I can’t reach them and they are sticking together!” I went into his room to see how I could be of service and he just look so uncomfortable and embarrassed. I of course was happy to help him out of his sticky situation and he rested comfortable the rest of my shift.
April 3rd, 2008 at 6:25 pm
One of my first few clinicals in nursing school, I had to give a bath to an obese woman. Well the professors always told us if they are big and have overlapping skin that you got to lift it up and clean under the skin. This woman was really big, so I went to lean her foward so I could clean her back, and I had to lift up some back fat. When I lifted it up I found a bar of soap!! I picked it out and my jaw hit the floor and my fellow student could not keep a straight face!! Needless to say I had a good start to my nursing career!!
April 3rd, 2008 at 11:05 pm
While doing clinicals, I cared for a confused elderly female. I was giving her a bath and as I was cleaning her bottom, she looked to me and said “have you ate yet?” I smiled and politely told her that I wasn’t hungry yet.
April 4th, 2008 at 4:25 am
I once had an extremely pleasant, elderly and entirely confused patient (Alert and Oriented x1). She was very quite and polite always-saying thank you and please. She was a storybook grandmother. Well, the order rolled in to place a foley. Being that she was so sweet and kind I elicited the help of some techs and another RN to make it go smoothly. We put on the bright lights and explained what we were about to do to her. She meekly agreed, and smiled (of course it made no sense to her). As four women began spread her legs and I approached with the rubber foley tube she exclaimed quite excitedly, “I don’t know what you’re about to do, but I bet its gonna feel good!” I blush every time I tell the story of that little sweet lady.
April 4th, 2008 at 7:08 am
I used to work in the urology dept. Our job, of course, involved everything that had to do with to your most private parts, including vasectomies. One day, one of the biomedical techs came around asking for the semen ultrasound so she could inspect it. I politely told her that we didn’t have a semen ultrasound, the semen samples were turned over to lab for evaluation. She should go to the lab for the semen ultrasound. After about 20 minutes or so the tech came back to me and told me she found it. Curious, I was thinking what the heck is she talking about. She brought me over to the “Siemen” (brand) ultrasound that we use to do prostate biopsies with. I cracked up laughing. Hey, we were working in urology after all, when she said “Siemen”, I thought she meant “semen”. Duh !!!
April 4th, 2008 at 9:13 am
I had an alcoholic 82yo male pt with severe constipation. He was irritable because he didn’t have a drink or a ciagarette. He pressed the call light and I came in his room and was greeted with,” Lady, I gotta shit.” So I put him on the BSC several times and it was unsuccessful. He kept saying, “Come on butt!” So I choose to check for an impaction. He was moaning and shouting, ” Lady get your fist out of my ass!”
April 4th, 2008 at 9:16 am
I had a pt who was so sleep deprived he had “ICU psychosis.” I said Mr. (HIPPA) I need to do your bed bath. So he said I kid you not for 3 for 4 hours, “Bed Bath and Beyond, Bed Bath and Beyond.”
April 4th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
It was a busy unit on our floor. Two patients came up to the unit at the same time-both admitted right next door to eachother. One was from the Cath lab and one was from the ER. A fellow nurse asked me if I could help her out by checking her patients groin site-she pointed to the room. I went into the patients room, introduced myself and asked If I could take a peek at his groin, without a question he said “sure” So i took a look at the R groin-nothing, took a look at the L groin-nothing..thought to myself, well this is strange. Then it dawned on me, I asked the patient “you didn’t come from the cath lab did you?” “No” was his reply. I was soo embarrassed and apologized as I as looking at the wrong patients groin sites.hahahhaa. oops. Good thing it wasn’t a shot in the butt.
April 4th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
In high school I started working as a CNA in a nursing home to decide if I wanted to pursue a career in nursing. One of my very first orientation days, the worker I was following was helping me get a female resident with Alzheimer’s ready for bed. After taking off the woman’s shirt, I removed her bra. The confused woman looked down at her breasts and stated “hmm, what are these?” Then she grasped a breast in each hand, pointed them forward, and proceeded to make machine gun sounds and rotating her torso back and forth like she was shooting up the room! I had quite the time trying to put her pajamas on because I was laughing so hard. The other worker fell on the ground laughing. I figured that was such a hilarious moment that going into nursing would be pretty fun!
April 4th, 2008 at 7:43 pm
When I was in my 1st year of nursing school, I had returned from the restroom while doing med-surg clinicals, not realizing that I had about 3 feet of toilet paper tucked into my uniform bottoms. No one mentioned anything to me….I kept wondering why I was getting strange looks from the nurses, doctors and patients….finally, at the end of the day I realized what everyone had been staring at! I was mortified!!!
April 5th, 2008 at 4:06 am
While in nursing school I was checking residual (Pulling the stomache contents out to see how much is in there.) I got a large plunger full of stomache contents plus air in a syringe. To fully check how much was in my syringe I held it up to push out the excess air. During this process the plunger stuck so I had to push really hard… well sure enough once I unstuck I shot all the stomache contents into the air! It covered me, the patient, the patient’s mom sitting by the bedside, and even on the ceiling. When the mom asked what that was covering us I didn’t have the nerve to tell her the truth so i said it was just some medicine.
April 6th, 2008 at 1:11 am
This my second semester of nursing school. It was the first time that me and my other classmates actually got to care for a patient. My patient was in her late 60’s and had dementia, she was pleasantly confused.
I had to get someone to help me move her from her bed to the chair so she could join the other residents on her floor. So we set her up on the side of the bed and she had these homemade green slippers that we put on her feet. Then once we got her in the chair we put up her feet. She looked down at her feet and she said “what in the hell are those?” We told her those are your homemade slippers that were a gift to you. And she said “well those are the ugliest things I’ve ever seen in my life.” I laughed till I cried, it was the cutest thing.
April 7th, 2008 at 8:36 pm
A couple years ago I had a patient that was alert and oriented (or at least I thought she was). She kept having diarrhea thorughout my shift so I’d keep putting her on and off the bedpan. There were some moments that we were a little too late and it would be on the sheets so I’d changed them. I had no problem with this in the beginning but after awhile you start to get pooped out (literally).
Well in the middle of the night I went into the room to check on her and I noticed that the tubing to the yanker (plastic wand its used at the dentist to suck up oral secretions) was dark in color so I turned on the light to examine it. Well to my surprise the lady but the yanker by her butt and was sucking up all the liquid stool. I almost lostit, I couldn’t even say anything I was laughing so hard in disgust……..I love nursing
April 10th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
While completing a basic pt care course in my first semester of nursing school, I encountered a usually kind, but very very confused elderly gentleman. I came on shift one morning, and I was told that J.R. had not slept the night before… nor had he slept in appox. 4 days.
Just then, the door alarm went off. I went over to see J.R. in his wheelchair, trying to get through the door. When I talked to him, he said, “I”M GOING TO THE LABOR DEPARTMENT AND REPORTING THAT I’M WORKING HERE FOR NO PAY!!” At which point, he bolted into another resident’s room, making quite the scene.
April 10th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
My patient was a middle aged man being admitted for a surgical procedure. During the admission process I asked him if he was allergic to latex. He gave me a grin and a wink and replied, “why? what did you have in mind?” Being a young nurse I was absolutely mortified and continued on to the next question!
April 10th, 2008 at 10:38 pm
During my years of working in the ER, we had a patient come in with complaints of a sinus infection. The MD appropriately palpated her face; when he palpated under her eyes one of her eyeballs popped out. I swear. Thank G-d it was Dr. Mike, the coolest and most level headed of the ER docs….he simply grabbed the eyeball and popped it back into the socket. The patient had very shallow facial bones and had exopthamos….I thought I would vomit right then and there but he was cool with this until he left the room and then he lost it….
Ugh….funny, sick and off the wall all at the same time.
Needless to say the woman had to be treated for corneal abrasions after this episode…..
April 10th, 2008 at 11:21 pm
I had a lady in the nursing home with a trach and a real sense of humor. One day I transferred her to the shower chair, wheeled her in and turned around to get her toiletries. When I turned back around there was the biggest pile of poop that I have ever seen on the shower floor. I looked up at her sitting there with a big grin and I said, “Katie! (name changed)Did you wait till I got you in there to shit on the floor? She laughed through her trach so hard I had to clean mucus and poop off the floor. Even better…She did the same exact thing to me the NEXT week after I deliberatly asked her if she needed to use the toilet first!
April 11th, 2008 at 3:27 am
I had a patient who had a wife that was very outspoken. The patient had been in the hospital for a while and had a lot going on, one of them being a Foley catheter. Me and another nurse were getting the patient situated in bed and he was “exposed”. His wife said to him in front of the two of us “God, you’re gonna need Viagra, you’ve shrunk since they put that thing in you!” Trying to contain ourselves, me and the other nurse pretended we didn’t hear her say that. Not getting the reation she wanted, she continued with, “Just look at that little thing!”
April 11th, 2008 at 5:05 am
I am a nurse’s technician/aide/assistant. I went into my patient’s room and had to wake her up in order to ask her if she had peed or pooped at all yet and to check on her surgical drains. She looked like she was knocked out and I couldn’t wake her. When I woke her up, the first thing she said was, “Where’s my sleeping pill??” I had to hold my laughter until I was outside the room.
April 11th, 2008 at 8:06 am
If you’ve ever been to an ER, most likely the first healthcare person you saw was a triage nurse. I have the sometimes unfortunate luck of being this person. Not that all the people I meet are unpleasant, I actually feel like I’m helping some people. But for the most part it often seems like a stage for a drama. You see if I walk throught the ER lobby, and the persons sitting, waiting to be seen, don’t realize who I am, I often see them laughing, eating, or just sitting around like a normal person. However, the second I call “Susan Smith” said patient becomes the weakest, or semi- unconscience patient, in the most ‘pain’ I’ve ever seen. The person I just saw getting Doritos and a Pepsi out of the vending machine is suddenly havign “nausea and vomiting” so bad they need to see the doctor now.
I actually witnessed a person come through the front door of the lobby, YELLING—-“I Can’t BREATH, somebody help me!!” When the shocked greeter (not a medically trained person) asked what we could do to help, the person became so irrate she SCREAMED again— “I can’t BREATH, I’m having and anaphalactic raction.” Let me pause to say, if you aren’t a medical professional, and you are perhapse worried that we weren’t reacting quickley enought A- if you can scream, you are breathing, and B- she waited 10 seconds before screaming again “I’m driving my self to the other hospital were they’ll see me”. By the time I came out of the little tiage room where I was with another paitent, she was gone. I wanted to say good luck! The ‘other’ hospital has twice as long of a wait.”
April 11th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
After entering one of my elderly patients’ rooms, the patient said, “Oh, nurse, I need go to the bathroom!” She was to too weak to walk to the bathroom, so I quickly left the room get a bedside commode. I went to the clean utility room and, of course, the only commode was at the back of the room behind tons of other equipment. I reached back and lift the commode over all the other equipment—SPLASH!! Holy freaking…!!! Someone had put a commode full of URINE in the CLEAN utility room!! I was soaked with urine. It spilled all down the front of me and completely soaked all of my charting! “S*@t!!”, I screamed, “What the…?!” All the other nurses came running to my rescue. As I was getting cleaned up, a woman aproached me and said, “Ummm…mam?? My mom said she needs to go to the bathroom. Aren’t you going to get her a bedside commode?”
April 11th, 2008 at 8:14 pm
as i entered the er one evening to get report, my coworker asks if i saw my friend in the er earlier.. as i replied no, he motions for me to come look at the xray my ‘friend’ was in.. it was a pic of a 14 inch dildo inside a person! turns out, this man and his boyfriend got a lil too carried away w/ their toys and the dildo would not come out of the man’s anus!!! when the doctor explained to them that he would try to manually disengage the dildo (use his hands), the boyfriend became quite upset and insisted he removed the dildo himself!-after all , it’s his fault the patient was there in the first place!
April 11th, 2008 at 8:36 pm
my co-worker was busy one day so i helped check in a new patient in one of her rooms… first as i begin to dig through his medication bag from home, a roach crawls out and i freak out!!! i’m hovering underneath a metal table hiding from this roach–but i’m not at all concerned what the patient thinks, because he is blind and has no clue what is happening…. so…. i recover from all of this and some time goes by… i let the nurse know that her patient has to go to the restroom… after a few minutes she walks back out and looks frustrated.. she says, “I don’t know what his problem is, i walked in and told him where the bathroom was and that he doesn’t have to ask permission to go to the restroom.” “What!-i exclaimed! he is blind! he can’t see the bathroom!”
April 14th, 2008 at 1:33 am
I just found out from overhead in the hospital that we have a doctor with the name spelled, Sus. They just paged Dr. Sus. To those who grew up with reading Dr. Seus, this is funny.
April 14th, 2008 at 1:37 am
Another time, we had a French Doctor with the last name spelled, Foq, where the Q is silent. The Uniclerk/UnitSecretary on duty was new from Jamaica and kept mispronouncing it Dr. Fuck. She kept yelling, “Anyone page Dr. Fuck? Dr. Fuck is on the phone.” What made it worse was because no one answered, the more she kept saying it louder and repeatedly. I could not stop laughing. I didn’t correct her. I wanted to see where it would go.
April 14th, 2008 at 1:54 am
Speaking of names, I once worked with a pretty, nice, and shy Jamaican nurse named, Yata. She was working on our floor for just that one day to help us out, so not everyone knew of her (yet). Her name was written on the board for everyone to see. This other nurse was looking for the nurse who was taking care of this patient and that was Yata. She saw on the board, her name, but due to poor penmanship, it read Yoda. Thus, on overhead page was, “Yoda, please indicate. Yoda, please indicate. Room 16 needs you for pain medicine.” Mind you this was around the time that new movie, Star Wars, had just come out in theaters. Patients all around the unit were asking questions, especially the mentally confused ones.
April 15th, 2008 at 2:16 am
I passed by a patient’s room and heard, “HEY! NURSE! HELP!” Mind you, everyone was near by, but I was the only one who stopped what I was doing and came in the room to tend to his needs. Once I was in, I saw that the patient was out of bed, about 10 feet away, his IV tubes and lines were pulling, one was already out, and he left a trail of blood on the floor. I immediately spoke loudly in my calmest and motherly voice as possible and asked, “Hey, what cha doin’ out of bed? Where you goin’? You need to go back or you will fall.” Usually this works, but he was the size of a football player and he was already fuming mad. He yelled, “No!” Then he threw the IV pole at me. I ducked and called for help. All the rest of the nursing staff came running in. One called the doctors and another called security for back up. The security came in holding the patient back in bed, while his nurse and I tried to calm him down and fix him up. The patient turned out to be mentally confused from all the medications overtime. He would not listen to reason until he got some beer. He kept yelling, “I WANT MY BEER!!!” The hospital is against restraining as possible. Next thing I know, a security officer came back with a bottle of beer. I went back to what I was doing. I walked by this room again and looked in. At the door frame, I was witnessing this patient chugging a bottle of beer as the nurse at his bedside was putting back in his IV. I thought to myself, “Why doesn’t the nurse just tie a tourniquet around his arm and inject Heroine for him?”
April 19th, 2008 at 2:43 am
i was still in nursing school taking care of a patient that was a victim of a car accident (over flow onto a GI floor). He wasn’t able to turn to the side to give an enema properly. instead, i had to lift his extremely swollen scrotum (from being in the bed all day for several days) and place the enema in his bottom after lifting his scrotum up. not to mention he was an older male while my nursin g instructor stood and watched. akward!!!!
April 19th, 2008 at 8:48 am
I work on a respiratory unit but we usually have a mix of everything…so one night one of my patients was a little confused lately who kept getting out of bed and wandering…so i set her up with a recliner and a bedside table at the nurses station and gave her a whole bunch of towels and face cloths to “fold for me” she was completely amused and stayed busy so i could pass my meds…I noticed she was done and getting fidgety so I brought her some more and she said “miss i’m an old lady and i’m tired, you’re young didn’t your mother ever teach you how to do your own laundry?” so cute
April 19th, 2008 at 8:50 am
I was explaining to a patient in for etoh how to call in her breakfast for the next morning to which she replied…
“ok…is your bar still open I need a shot”
April 22nd, 2008 at 4:36 am
I was in nursing student in my maternity clinical rotation one morning reporting to my instructor who and what my patient assignment was. I was stunned at my case and kept bragging to everyone and my instructor how my patient had a thyroid in her uterus!
My instructor in turn looked at me and just asked with her condescending voice, “Grace, where is your thyroid???” After she made me feel back down to earth, I thought about it, and remembered, “Oh, it’s in the neck.” She said, “Yes, that in her uterus, is not a thyroid, its a fibroid (a tumor).”
April 22nd, 2008 at 4:46 am
I was taking care of a confused patient. It was time for her to be washed between her legs. I asked her to open up her legs apart so I could wash her up clean. To my surprise, she just said nicely, “Oh it’s okay honey, I’m not going out tonight.”
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:05 am
So it was my first day of clinicals and I had an older woman who was on some serious opiods and she had severe diarrhea. I was in the middle of giving her a bedbath and she tells me that she needs the bedpan quickly. After she does her business, I try to slowly remove the bedpan from under her. As I’m moving away from her bed, my I.D. comes unclipped from my top and falls into the bedpan full of watery diarrhea. I was mortified. Later on that day my clinical instructor makes an example out of me to everyone telling them to make sure their I.D.’s are on right before they transport feces.
April 24th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
I was doing my clinical rounds in the dementia unit where I was sitting between two women and across from a few of my classmates. One of the women was just babbling on about nothing, which greatly annoys the other woman. I was “actively listening” to the woman babbling because she wanted someone to listen to her. The annoyed woman says, “I can’t believe she’s still babbling. When’s someone going to shut her up? Really makes you wonder about this one’s sanity (referring to me).
April 25th, 2008 at 6:02 am
No lie, I once worked with a psychiatrist called Wayne King
April 28th, 2008 at 8:01 pm
I was doing my maternity rotation and a classmate and I had a pt that only spoke a little bit of English and there was a “huge” language barrier. She was asking us “how will I know when my baby is getting enough milk?” I responded with: “Well, you will know if he has 6-8 wet diapers per/day.” I asked her if she understood (knowing that there was a language barrier) she said yes and then proceeded to tell her husband: “I need to get some more diapers to put on my breasts.” !!!! I don’t know where she got that one, but it was hard for us not to laugh!