Recently, a doctor who left our staff for another job rejoined us. We were told that he left the other job because someone filed sexual harassment suit against him.
At first, I thought it was just rumor. I knew he was a “close talker” and “close toucher,” but I didn’t think that meant he was a harasser.
As time went on, though, I began to question his maneuvering. He always seemed to be brushing up against me. When he asked me out on a date, all suspicions were confirmed. I said, “My husband and I are going to a movie tonight,” trying to make it abundantly clear I was not interested.
A married man asking a married woman out on a date just isn’t normal. And when he posted a picture of me online (a picture he took with his camera phone), I flipped out. I wanted to pummel him.
Though I never felt threatened, it did make the work environment uncomfortable. And as I started to talk about him with co-nurses, I found there were many others who felt the same way.
Is this sexual harassment? Should I report it, or just live with it?
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October 18th, 2007 at 1:17 pm
I think it’s hard sometimes to draw a line and say where sexual harassment begins because everyone (both perpetrators and victims) has their own perception of what’s acceptable and what’s not. The fact that you feel uncomfortable should be enough for you to class this as sexual harassment. That other colleagues feel the same means that it definitely is. I accept that we shouldn’t take rumours at face value but by tolerating this behaviour you are saying that it is okay both for men to have this power over women and for doctors to have this power over nurses. I see this as one of those times you should go for proaction over reaction.
October 19th, 2007 at 12:48 am
He sounds like a creep, although like the last person to comment said, from his perception this may be quite alright.
What you need to do is clearly sate to him that you find his behavior upsetting, and use specific examples, eg brushing/touching etc. At least this way you can both be sure that neither of you is under any false perception.
If he continues to bother you after that, then take things further. What you need to do is document, keep a small diary, of every time he ‘brushes’ against you, asks you out, or makes a lewd comment/suggestion. Then if you decide to go to management etc you have some hard evidence, and not just rumor.
October 21st, 2007 at 1:46 am
I think you should tell him exactly how you feel. But I think you should NOT be talking about it to other staff….maybe discuss it with a manager and document it
October 21st, 2007 at 1:09 pm
He is bordering on stalking and harrassing you. If it makes you uncomfortable, he is doing something potentially illegal. You need to report this immediately to your supervisor and HR and follow any other action according to the sexual harrassement policy. Make sure you print out the posting of your picture from the internet before he takes it down and give it to your nurse manager and HR. Start the diary as nursing around suggests. Only then should make it plainly clear to him that his actions are unacceptable – I would have a trusted friend/colleague with me when confronting him. These creeps target those who they think will be too intimidated to speak aloud in front of others.
October 23rd, 2007 at 11:00 am
this is definetly sexual harassment—it shoud be reported and documented—keeping quiet will send a message of acceptance–do not put up with this type of workplace behaviour
December 13th, 2007 at 11:28 am
Sexual harrasment is determined by your reaction to him. If you think it is – IT IS. Asking you to engage in a personal activity (a date), is not proper conduct as a doctor. A doctor holds an implied position of authority over a nurse. Document it! Keep a chart on him. Report him to the proper authority. Say nothing about this to your co-workers. He is the the one doing wrong.
May 6th, 2008 at 10:42 pm
I have been on guard for a year and a half over a physician at the hospital I work at who first started sneaking up behind me and just standing there till I felt a presense and would scream..at forst I thought it was just me not noticing him enter a room ..time has revealed his weirdness. It started out like this then it has progressed to his sneaking up behind me and pressing his 6′ 6 frame against my backside, when I don’t realise he is there ..I scream …I ask him please don’t do that to me , he just laughs . The times I see him coming he will come over to me ,put his arma round my waist , tickle my ribs this kind of thing ….he knows how uncomfortable this makes me ,I have told him and he says nothing. This doctor has also put his arm around my waist while i am sitting in a chair and not knowing he was coming up , then put his face one inch from mine ..like he is going to kiss me ….many instances like this , now he has molested me …i had been limping because it felt as though my hip had dislocated , he was in my dept when I entered the room so i casually asked if it was possible a hip could dislocate , he said no ,but let me check it out for you ..I said NO ( Knowing I don’t want him near me , let alone touching me , he insisted , I said NO ..long story ..I told him repeatedly NO NO NO , he demanded I find a room with a bed to feel my hip area ..he is much older and bigger then I ..I caved in and again long story ,but he purposely groped my crotch with his hand and fingers while acting as though he was positioning my legs on the bed ..forced me to turn on my side and he pulled my hips close to his while he was standing beside the bed so that he cpuld adjust me ..he said i was stiff and needed to loosen up ( ywes i was stiff with shock and fear and he stiff for other reasons and he was breathing like an animal ..He then turned me back over to feel my hips again and squeezed and patted my buttocks thre more times , said i was fine ,but that i should coem to his office where he could adjust me MUCH BETTER THERE…UGHHHHHH ! I am scared to tell anyone about this , there are MANY reasons ..I do not know what to do !
May 7th, 2008 at 10:50 am
I don’t know about bulldog jack’s statement that sexual harassment is determined by your reaction to him, as that’s a touch intolerant. What one person sees as ok another sees as not. Another of Bulldog’s comments about doctors not dating nurses is rubbish. At least half a dozen female nurses i trained with openly admitted to doing nursing with the goal of marrying a doctor, and besides, many nurses and doctors date, and the moves are equally made by either side.
As I said earlier, document, keep a diary. You need the hard evidence. In both cases, from Anonymous to Must I, it definitely appears to be harrassment.