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Handling Stress
Healing Wounds between Nurses
How to bring unity back to nursing.
By Kathleen Bartholomew, RN, MN, and author of "Ending Nurse-to-Nurse Hostility: Why Nurses Eat Their Young and Each Other"
What nurse hasn’t heard the phrase “Nurses eat their own.”? You’ve probably witnessed it at some point in your career. Or maybe you’ve personally experienced the burn of cattiness, gossip, condemning verbal attacks, or bullying.
Plain old meanness seems to pervade nursing, and you wonder, Is there anything I can really do about it?
Letting this behavior go on will progressively change nursing for the worse. We’re in a nursing shortage, and if we don’t address this issue, we’re in trouble. Nurses are leaving already. But it doesn’t have to be that way. With effort, the ideal workplace--where everyone gets along and supports each other--is attainable. Here’s how to make it a reality:
Speak Your Truth
When you hear that someone is talking about you behind your back, or someone says something hurtful to you in public, don’t just walk away. Do something about it. But have patience. Ask to speak to them in private and tell them what you heard. Explain that if they have something to say to you, they should just say it. Then the two of you can work it out. Most bad feelings are left unaddressed in the workplace. So take a stand, speak your truth, and fix the problem.
Never Be a Silent Witness
Nurses who are unprofessional talk about people behind their backs or gossip. And while that’s not acceptable, remaining a silent witness isn’t much better. Never stand by saying nothing. Don’t be the ears that listen while one nurse is slamming another nurse or bringing someone else down. Never. Take a personal vow of integrity. Say, “Professionals do not do that.” Or tell the complaining person to go talk to the person directly involved, not you. At the very least, walk away.
Don’t Ignore Non-Verbal Language
It’s pretty typical for a nurse to be passive aggressive, especially since the average age of a nurse is 47 or higher. Remember, the Boomer generation isn’t as open as Generations X and Y. If you ask a nurse how she’s doing and she says, “Fine,” but her vocal inflections or body language say otherwise, ask her what’s really going on. Take the time to show that asking “How are you?” isn’t just a standard greeting—and that you really do care
Compliments Go a Long Way
Few nurses actually take the time to give positive feedback to their nursing coworkers, even though it’s a critical component of creating cohesion on your unit. Complimenting someone isn’t just a warm fuzzy. You can’t compliment someone for something specific unless you actually pay attention to what they did. We need to celebrate our differences, and affirm each other’s strengths. Sure, we have the same educational backgrounds and training, but it’s the particular things we do on the floor that we have to notice: “Wow, you can get a Foley into anyone!” Or, “Gosh, you really deescalated that patient. You’re really good at that.”
Take Time to Listen
Nurses are labeled as “snobs” or “self aggrandizing” if they talk about their own successes at work. That’s why it’s important to encourage other nurses--especially new nurses--by saying, “I want to hear about your work and your day.” By giving nurses permission to talk about their successes, they become confident in their own strengths—and less concerned about others’ perceptions of them. It also helps nurses to find value in each nurse’s contribution to the unit.
Appreciate the Art of Nursing
The profession isn’t just a science. It really is an art. A nurse becomes more than a skillful practitioner when he or she enters a perfect stranger’s room, who is probably in an extremely vulnerable place, and makes that patient feel at ease within five seconds. That’s talent. It’s the art of connecting with another human being. And it’s incredibly important to remember that you are the artist. When you recognize you and your co-nurse aren’t just “handmaidens”—but professionals integrally involved in helping your patients become healthy—you will see the benefit of putting aside the behaviors that undermine your professionalism.
Kathleen Bartholomew, RN, MN served as the manager of a 57-bed orthopedic and spine unit in a tertiary hospital in Seattle, Washington, for more than six years and has just recently ended her position to begin work in consulting. A registered nurse and counselor, Bartholomew brings to light the challenges and issues facing nurses today through the use of story. For more information, go to www.kathleenbartholomew.com .
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February 23rd, 2008 at 12:43 pm
This article helps a lot. I have working for six months in a new job and do worry about people talking about me as I have had a bad experience in the past. One thing that I don’t like is all the politics that happens in the NHS. I am slowly learning how to cope with it. Thank you. This is an excellent website emmax
March 3rd, 2008 at 1:54 pm
This article is about fifty years too late. Even now, with the egregious shortage of nurses, the pecking order is still in full swing. The insecure ones still try to bad-mouth those whom they perceive to be a threat.
The notion that nursing is not a profession because a BSN is not the entry level is absurd. Nursing is not a profession because there is no unity among us. Those with MSN’s are just as likely to back stab and bad-mouth as those with ADN’s.
This is a mean, awful profession and nurses have no greater enemies than each other. It doesn’t help that bean counters are now supervising the MSN’s.
I have given up on this profession. Thirty years of “improvement” has only led to more of the same.
I have no hopes that it will ever get better.
March 13th, 2008 at 6:10 pm
Interesting posts.
March 13th, 2008 at 8:51 pm
When I came to this profession at the age of 42 after going back to school I was very idealistic about what kind of people nurses would be. WHat I found was that nurses were like everyone else. I realized after being bullied & talked about that it was no different that high school. SOme were wonderful nice people, others were not. It was very hard for me to go through but I have found light in this profession. I have the best job, work with wonderful caring people & learn new things every day. I will retire in a couple of years but I intend to keep dabbling as long as I can stand up! I am 58 & am loving it! Hang in there, we need you.
March 31st, 2008 at 5:30 pm
Thanks for this. I’m having issues while I’m still in nursing school. The drama is ridiculous! I’m ready to graduate so I can get away from the high school behavior… but sadly, it seems like it’s in the real world too.
April 7th, 2008 at 10:16 am
I will be 50 years old when I start nursing school - is that too old - Will I be marketable or should ( think of another endeavor
June 19th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
This was one of the main reasons I quit nursing school. I was totally unprepared for the unprofessionalism and back stabbing and just over all MEANNESS, but not just by fellow students by staff nurses in the clinical situation. I said to myself do i really want to be involved in a profession where people treat each other this way? How can nurses expect respect from other healthcare providers and the general public when they treat each other so disrepectfully?
Maybe it’s just part of my personality and I do not care for high conflict situations. Maybe I was not suited for the profression. but I simply don’t have the killer instinct it requires apparently and I am not into bullying other people. I am also not into backstabbing, gossping, and trashing and humiliating students who are trying to learn.
I am not into high school behavior at 40.
There are many highly eduacted and caring people who might consider nursing if the profession would clean up and stop acting like a bunch of high school “mean girls”.
I am not saying every nurse behaves this way but boy there are a lot of them and I have seen it family of patients in their care and as a student nurse. It’s appalling.
Look a lot terrible behavior happens in the business world as well, but I worked in banking for 10 years in a customer service arnea and while the mantra was sell, sell, sell which I did not care for, the staff strived to show a public decorum and professionalism befitting of a business institution. They were police, and professional, and followed a decorum of bheavior to clients. You would never see a branch manager screaming at an employee in front of customers, as they know customers would likely never return.
But nurses can rip each other to shreds in front of patients and students are “fair game” as far I can tell for everyone. It’s really sad.
There is a nursing shortage but you are losing potential candidates who could be excellent nurses when you behave like teenagers and gossips instead of professionals. I realize nursing is high stress and that the working conditions can be sub par. It’s a tough job and I truly respect the work nurses do but they are crippling their own field when they turn on each other and future nurses.